Sunday, August 23, 2009

June 2009 Foodman's Lost Tour Part I

May 30 New Haven, CT Café 9

Start Time: 8:30 AM EST
Coffee w/ Soy Milk
2 Waffles w/ Peanut Butter
3 Egg Omelet w/ White American & Colby Cheeses
10-Calorie Citrus Vitamin Water
A Few handfuls of Peanuts
1 Small Bag of Lays BBQ Potato Chips
1 Roasted Red Pepper Wrap w/ Turkey, Cheese, Red Onion, & Pickles
1 Cup Black Coffee
7 Small Slices of Pizza from BAR in New Haven
Half a Cheeseburger on White Bread w/ Tomato from Louis Lunch in New Haven
1 Large Coca Cola
1-Pint Brooklyn Lager
1 More Slice Aforementioned Pizza
End Time: 1:00 AM EST

For this strong opening entry Foodman quotes Voltaire, “ Nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking if God had not made them a pleasure as well as a necessity.”

May 31 – June 5
This time is spent in Montreal and Toronto where Foodman subsists solely on Tim Horton’s. In Burlington, VT Foodman visits the original Ben and Jerry’s and goes deep on some ice cream. This week is dubbed, “the lost week,” which eventually leads to the entire tour being dubbed, “Foodman’s Lost Tour.” Foodman hits a roadblock toward the final leg around St. Paul, MN, where he is stricken down with an unknown illness that results in a serious curbing of his appetite and henceforth an absence of “logs,” or a lagging with the logging, if you will. The Black Hollies try to light a fire under Foodman insuring him that he is inadvertently letting down his minions by being remiss in his duty of keeping track of his own consumption. We say, “Foodman, we can’t eat the food for you. We can't write your destiny. Your destiny is not written for you, but by you. Please, keep track of what you eat,” and after a couple days we give up, considering it a lost cause. You can’t force a man to be a food star. He has to want it. He has to be hungry for it. As compensation to all the dedicated fans of Foodman I thought it a good idea to get to the bottom of this and interview the man behind the food, Herbert Joseph Wiley V himself, to find out what went wrong on this lost tour, to inquire about when he discovered his natural talent for consuming, and to learn some of the meaning behind his unique vernacular pertaining to certain digestion phenomena. So here we have the remnants of Foodman’s Lost Tour Part I, entries from June 6 to June 17 without daily quotes, a shame I know, but honest nonetheless, and worthy of consideration because this short stint contains some heavy hitting entries. Also, please keep in mind that Foodman gets ill for about a week and just doesn’t have the strength to log. His illness starts around June 11, peaks around June 17, and ends around June 24 while the first tour ends on June 28.

June 6 Washington, DC R n’ R Hotel

Start Time: 9:00 AM EST
1 Cup Ginger Tea
1 Cup Peppermint Tea
1 Bottle Orange Juice
1 Cup Black Coffee
1 7/11 Egg White & Turkey Sausage on Wheat English Muffin
1 Bottle Odwalla Protein Drink
Half Bag of Fruit Nut Trail Mix
3 Green Stuff Veggie Caps
1 Cup Bolivian Organic Coffee w/ Soy Milk and Simple Syrup
1 Ciabatta w/ Turkey, Provolone, and Fries w/ Ketchup & Mustard
2 Sierra Nevadas
1 Three Musketeers Bar
1 Bag Pizza Flavored Combos
1 Package of Peanut Butter Crackers
1 Healthy Valley Oatmeal Bar
End Time: 12:30 AM EST

June 7 Philadelphia, PA Johnny Brenda’s

Start Time 8:00 AM EST
1 Three-Egg Omelet w/ Peppers & Onions
4 Sausage Links
1 Side of Potatoes
1 Pancake w/ Raisins & Syrup
2 Cups Black Coffee
1 Cup Stomach Ease Tea
1 Banana
1 Chicken Cheese Steak from Johnny Brenda’s
1 House Salad w/ Balsamic Vinaigrette
1 Cup Stomach Ease Tea
1 Cup Black Coffee
1 Coca Cola
1 Steak Sandwich w/ Onions, Relish, Mustard, and Ketchup from Gino’s
1 Green Tea
End Time 1:00 AM EST

June 8 Pittsburgh, PA*

Start Time: 9:00 AM EST
1 Banana
2 Cups Black Coffee
1 Detox Tea
Half Bag of Trail Mix
1 Banana
3 Slices of Shitty Pizza
1 Detox Tea
1 Side Salad
1 Stomach Ease Tea
End Time: 10:00 PM EST

*It should be noted that this one of Foodman’s lightest days to date.

June 9 Detroit, MI The Painted Lady**

Start Time: 8:30 AM EST
1 Bowl Pineapples & Grapes
1 Cup Cran-Orange Juice
3 Slices of Ham w/ Syrup
2 Egg Discs
2 Cups Black Coffee
Half Bottle of Naked Green Superfood
3 Spirulina Caps
Half of a Panera Mediterranean Veggie Sandwich
1 Side Garden Salad
1 Small Wild Mushroom Soup
Half Baguette
Half Bag of Chips
1 Side Mayo Slathered Minced Cole Slaw
1 Half Pound Burger w/ Burnt Onions, Mushrooms, and BBQ Sauce from Red Coat Tavern in Detroit.
1 Coca Cola
1 Stomach Ease Tea
2 Eggs Over Easy w/ Bacon, Potatoes, & whole Wheat Toast
1 Cup Decaf Coffee
4 Soft Batch Chocolate Chip Cookies
End Time: 2:00 AM EST

**The above is a top day for consumption in Foodman’s history.

June 10 Chicago, IL Ronny’s

Start Time: 8:00 AM EST
2 Kashi “Go Lean” Chocolate Caramel Protein/Fiber Bars
1 Cup Black Coffee
1 Tim Horton’s Ham & Cheese Sandwich w/ Vegetable Soup
1 Cup Black Coffee
Huevos Rancheros w/ Jalapenos, Onions, and Tomatoes
1 Side Refried Beans
1 Side Yellow Rice
1 Side Fries
Half an Avocado
1 Hot Dog w/ Relish, Mustard, Onions, and Jalapenos
1 Stomach Ease Tea
End Time: 12:30 CST

June 11 Madison, WI The Frequency

Start Time: 9:00 CST
1 Large Black Coffee w/ 5 Sugars
Scrambled Eggs w/ Chorizo, Rice, and Black Beans.
1 Carrot Juice
1 Bottle Green Naked Superfood
2 Handfuls Trail Mix
1 Cup Black Coffee
2 Peanut Butter Cookies
1 Bacon Cheeseburger w. Bleu cheese, Red Onion, Lettuce, Tomato, & Mayo
1 Cup Cold Care Tea
End Time: 1:30 CST

June 12 Minneapolis, MN Hexagon

Start Time: 7:30 CST
1 Bowl Pineapples & Grapes
2 Cups Black Coffee
1 Banana
1 Cup Cran-Orange Juice
Half Ring of Kielbasa w/ Hot Sauce
1 Cheddar Omelet w/ Hot Sauce
1 Hand Dipped Scoop of After Dinner Mint Ice Cream on Waffle Cone
1 Mini Chocolate Cow Pie
3 Spirulina Capsules
3 Veggie Tacos w/ Black Bean Mango Salsa, Soy Protein, & Avocado
1 Yogi Bed Time Tea
End Time: 2:00 CST

June 13 St. Paul, MN Turf Club

Start Time: 9:30 CST
3 Blueberry Pancakes w/ Syrup
3 Cups Black Coffee
1 Pink Lady Apple
1 Strawberry-Lemonade
1 Glass Bolthouse Green Superfood Drink
1 Blue Sky Natural Cola
2 Servings Veggie Ratatouille
2 Servings Baked Beans
1 Spicy Soy Sausage Sandwich on Wheat Roll w/ Mustard & Ketchup
1 Yogi Bed Time Tea
End Time: 3:00 CST

June 14 Minneapolis, MN Day Off***

Start Time: 10:00 AM CST
1 Glass Bolthouse Green Superfood Drink
2 Cups Coffee w/ Soy Milk
1 Veggie Omelet w/ Peppers, Onions, & Broccoli
2 Veggie Sausage Patties
2 Slices Pumpernickel Toast
1 Scoop Chocolate Chip Mint Ice Cream on Waffle Cone
2 Bottles Grain Belt Beer
***2 Hunks of Vegan Lasagna w/ Brown Rice Pasta, Tofu, and Left Over Veggie Ratatouille
1 Salad
1 Yogi Bed Time Tea
End Time: 2:30 CST

***It should be noted that Foodman, even though sick, treated everyone to his own personal recipe for homemade vegan lasagna. See interview for recipe.

June 15 Lawrence, KS Jackpot Saloon

Start Time: 9:00 AM CST
1 Cup Bolthouse Green Superfood Drink
Half Cup of Black Coffee
1 Naked Protein Drink
Half Bag of Trail Mix
1 Personal Sized Box of Cheerios
1 Handful of Pretzels
1 Portobello Mushroom, Olive, Provolone, & Kale Sandwich from Wheatfields
1 Side Cucumber Salad
I Jimmy John’s Veggie Sandwich w/ Sprouts, Avocado, Provolone, Tomato, & Honey Mustard
1 Glass Seltzer & Bitters
1 XXX Acai Berry Vitamin Water
End Time: 1:00 AM CST

June 16 Kansas City, MO Record Bar

Start Time: 10:00 AM CST
2 Glasses Orange Juice
2 Cups Black Coffee
2 Eggs Over Easy w/ One Rare 5 oz. Steak w/ Heinz 57 Sauce
1 Handful Walnuts & Raisins
1 Bowl Chicken Soup
1 Salad
1 Arnold Palmer (1/2 Iced Tea ½ Lemonade, a Foodman favorite)
1 Virgil’s Root Beer
1 Five oz. Cheeseburger w/ Fried Onions, Mayo, Pickles & BBQ Sauce
1 Side Fries
1 Coca Cola
1 Cup Black Coffee
1 Pack Twix Bars
2 Handfuls Keebler Fudge Cookies
End Time: 1:30 AM CST

June 17 St. Louis, MO The Firebird

Start Time: 9:00 AM CST
1 Cheese Omelet
1 Peach Yogurt
1 Cup Coffee w/ 2 % Milk
1 Cup Cinnamon Spice Oatmeal
1 Turkey. Swiss, Lettuce, Tomato, & Mayo on Challah Bread
1 Small Side Bean Salad
1 Chocolate-Chocolate Chip Cookie
1 Vanilla Almond Hagen Daaz Ice Cream Bar
2 Slices of Buffalo Wing Pizza (pizza w/ buffalo flavored fried chicken, celery, & bleu cheese which Foodman dismisses as gross)
End Time: 1:30 CST


parakete said...

thank god this is back.
but where is the interview???

Palestinian Bluetooth said...

interview coming very soon. check lost tour II in the meantime. thanks parakeet. sept should put foodman back on track.

Anonymous said...

Wow! Foodman! So happy yer back on track. Blown away by your consumption and can't wait for the interview!